Everybody has one of those days when so many things tend to go wrong, and life makes you want to pull your hair out or run screaming to the nearest bar. But what if I told you that these everyday emotional triggers were actually a good thing…?
Don’t start shaking your head just yet.
I’m not talking necessarily about big problems like being broke or failing to get the promotion you thought you were a shoe-in for or breaking up with the love of your life (though the method I’m about to share with you is super powerful when it comes to the big problems as well.)
Everyday annoyances; that’s what I’m talking about: a driver cuts you in line, a cyclist takes the whole lane and forces you to drive at their pace, a rude cashier at your local grocers who seems to have forgotten how to smile.
What if I told you these small everyday problems which we take personally, were actually pointers to parts of our inner selves which we are oblivious to? Yes – these emotional triggers are your teachers.
Stay with me and I will explain how these issues we deal with every day are actually GOLDEN NUGGETS which are a mirror to our inner programming.
Always Bring Back Your Attention to Your Intention
First of all, let’s establish what a ‘problem’ is.
Basically, if anything raises a resistance within you, annoys you, or raises ANY negative emotion in you, then you can consider it a problem. Or in other words – emotional triggers.
Now, instead of pushing against your everyday problems, you will do much better if you use them for self-discovery, by bringing the focus back to yourself.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
Many years ago, a friend of mine confided in me about her dislike for a particular colleague at work, “I can’t stand her,” she said, “She gets on my nerves!”
You know me — I couldn’t just nod and give an understanding smile. Being a personal development junkie, I felt I needed to share some insight with her, especially since I knew she was one who would listen.
It was already clear to me that her resentment towards her colleague was an indication of things about herself which she didn’t like. But because it sucks to admit to our own faults, we tend to spot them in others and take our frustrations out on them.
“So… what is it about her you don’t like?” I asked.
“She seems very fake! The way she talks… carries herself— her words don’t align with who she really is,” my friend replied, “It feels like she wears a mask, acting like a bigshot when she is nowhere near as confident as she pretends to be.”
“I see,” I responded. “And her fakeness makes you angry, why?”
“I just don’t like fake people!” My friend replied finally.
“Yes, but why the anger?” I persisted. “Does she reflect aspects of yourself which you don’t like? Maybe YOU’RE THE ONE who feels fake sometimes and you just can’t stand her inauthenticity because you see it in yourself?”
A long silence followed before the tears started flowing, “Thanks Edith, you’re right. I hate the times I appear to be someone I’m not at work; when I feel like a bluff, presenting a strong image though I feel small. And I guess she shows me the parts of me which I don’t like.”
In the end, the things we judge in others are things within ourselves which we would rather not face. The emotional triggers we experience reflect something within us that is not solved yet.
These unaddressed issues are deeply rooted in our subconscious mind. Eventually, we ended up forming paradigms we’re not even aware of, that controls every result we have and will have in life. I explain more about that in detail here.
Our Everyday Problems Reveal the Way We Are Wired
Here’s the deal: your everyday problems are here to foster growth. In that light, you can see your emotional triggering as a gift.
When you find external circumstances triggering you, instead of lashing out at the situation, you can ask yourself, “What does it trigger within me that I need to face?”
Usually, the situation is triggering you to see something in you which you have disowned.
These unpleasant interactions and daily problems show you parts of yourself which you don’t love. If you really loved yourself, you wouldn’t be emotionally and psychologically triggered and you wouldn’t interpret situations as problems.
Most people do the opposite of reflecting: they react! They blame! Take it personally, and miss the opportunity for growth.
If you’re like me, a sensitive person, or you tend to take things personally, choosing to reflect rather than resent your problem can make a world of difference.
Some things trigger the shit out of me! So when things push my buttons I think, “Great! More stuff to work on! What else can I learn about myself”?
Be Specific About Your Feelings
Whenever I get emotionally triggered, I try to identify the specific feeling: Do I feel angry? Frustrated? Fearful? Offended? Shame? Ignored? Unimportant? Unworthy?
That’s what you should concentrate on, not the problem nor the person who said XYZ, nor the taxi driver who gave you the finger.
Concentrate on how YOU feel.
Focus on the emotions the daily problems trigger in you, and not on the problems themselves, because the negative feelings that are brought out of you ARE the problem.
If you keep practicing this every single time you feel triggered, you will dig deeper and deeper and get to really understand yourself. Eventually, you will uncover your negative paradigms and heal them.
Ultimately, you want to become so grounded and centered and confident that it doesn’t matter what happens on the outside — it wouldn’t faze you one bit; because you are so secure and content in your own skin. That’s the goal.
Remember, everything is a mirror and that is why you need to bring back the attention to you. Your feelings are ALWAYS about you, never about them. These emotional triggers are mirrors to help you learn what you can about YOU.
You will be surprised about what you can learn about yourself once you choose to reflect rather than react when you are facing obstacles life throws at you –
• Maybe your boss is a jackass — what can you learn from your anxiety triggers to your boss? Do you find you are terrified of conflicts? Unable to set boundaries? Does it trigger unworthiness within you when your boss does not show appreciation? Does it trigger fear when people are mad at you?
• Maybe you’re having a rough time in traffic — what can you learn from your anger and frustration? Do you find you have an obsessive need to control and find it difficult to let go? Are you never pleased with a situation and always look for what’s missing? Do you find you are unable to enjoy the moment and relax, constantly looking for what’s next — and that triggers anxiety?
• Maybe your neighbor holds political views that are different to yours, and this freaks you out — what does that tell you about you? Do you find you can’t tolerate diverse opinions and find it difficult to put yourself in other’s shoes? Do you feel personally slighted, attacked or diminished by contrary views? Maybe the opposing views trigger memories of a time when you felt rejected or had your sense of self-threatened or destroyed?
To Sum It Up – Mind Your Own Business
Pay attention to the fingers that point back at you whenever you point at someone. Be curious about yourself and reflect on your underlying paradigms.
In other words, mind your own business. Explore your emotional triggers instead of reacting to them uncontrollably. You will gain true freedom when you start focusing on your own healing, your own goals, and your own mind programming.
Imagine if all those who trigger discomfort in you simply worked on their own self-healing… that world would be a better place.
Imagine what your childhood would have been like if your parents had worked on their psychological triggers before bringing you into the world.
The same goes for you.
As you bring back the focus to yourself, you will remove your attention from other people, their “flaws”, their “defects”, and all the things they are doing “wrong”.
And by so doing, you will tune into a real peace of mind and find less and less reasons to go crazy whenever life gets in the way.
How to let go of emotional triggers and open yourself to joy, peace, and abundance, far beyond what you’ve ever imagined Find out how I did it.