Defining what you want is the first step toward starting any kind of change or process you’re interested in, whether it is finding love, building a house or going on a vacation.
Knowing what you want creates order in your mind; it focuses your attention on your goal; it releases stress because you know where you are and where you want to go. Defining goals guides you toward success and it helps you to shape the reality you want.
Defining what you want is the beginning of a journey of creating a new reality.
Although defining goals is a very important thing you must do, it requires many parameters you need to consider that might confuse you at first. However, when you finally understand it, the manifestation of true love simply occurs before you even notice it.
Why do so many people want to find love and healthy relationships but don’t have it?
Creating a new reality requires a great deal of self-knowledge and self-understanding. In order to create a new life or attract a new goal, honesty with yourself, your thoughts, and your limiting beliefs is a must. The problem is that many people are afraid to face those issues, they are scared of their thoughts, or sometimes they are not even interested in going there and cleaning up all the mess.
Albert Einstein referred to insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.
Defining what you want, when you do it in the right way – from an honest place, will bring you different results.
A better approach toward defining your goals will get you out of the insanity cycle and put you in the “making things happen” club. Setting clear goals, out of sincere soul-searching, will put you in a mindset of awareness, which will allow you to look the truth in the eyes and start over, sometimes from scratch.
Now that you understand the meaning of defining what you want and its importance, let’s see how you can do it the right way.
Define your love in 3 steps
1. What is your motive?
Ask yourself: why do you want to find love? What is your incentive? Is it because you’re scared to be alone? Is it because all of your friends got married? Is it because you want revenge on your ex? What are your whys? Do your reasons for finding stem from negative feelings such as stress, fear and social pressure…?
Or maybe you want to find love from a place of love? Do you want to share your faction? Express warmth and caring?
Or could it be both forces that collide with each other and create dissonance? An example of this would be wanting to share the love you have within along with fear you hold.
In order to create a new reality, you need to acknowledge the current reality, understand why you created it and what your motives were, and to clean it. Only then can you start over.
There are two major ways to know what your motives are:
- Explore your past relationships – see what your patterns were when you were looking for love, or when you stayed in relationships. In your previous relationships, were you looking for love because you were scared to be by yourself? Were you truly in love when you decided to move in? Were you dissatisfied but still chose to stay there? If so – ask yourself why…
Introspection into the past will help you understand your own patterns; you can understand yourself better, what your motives are and what drives you to make decisions.
- Explore your limiting beliefs – revealing your limits can be done by analyzing your past relationships and your adult surrounding when you were growing up and role models you had such as your parents, family members, neighbors and so on.
For example, if your role models were two parents who lived together unhappily and with a lack of satisfaction, with lack of passion and physical touch or warmth, there is a good chance that you absorbed this and subconsciously thought, “Every marriage starts to get boring and less attractive after a while – that’s normal,” and that is what made you stay in a bad relationship.
Another example of a limiting belief could be a woman who usually tends to fall in love with the ones who don’t love her, because inwardly she believes she doesn’t deserve to be loved. Therefore she behaves in a way that and does everything she can (subconsciously) to keep those she falls in love with far away from her.
You need to know what your motives are, what made you attract bad relationships in the past or “fail” in attracting a potential partner you wanted. Exposing those limiting beliefs is just the beginning, because then you enter the stage of dissolving them from your system. We’ll learn later on how to do it. In the meantime, I highly suggest taking this process seriously and starting to write down (or record) ALL of the limiting beliefs you might carry within.
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2. What are your values?
here you have to speak the language of love by using feelings, your true essence and your core values.
Find out what your values are when it comes to love, what’s important to you and what you can let go of.
Write down your values, and put an emphasis on the essence and not the package.
Instead of focusing on the desirable traits of your future lover, write down what’s important for you. Don’t ask for the package (like eyes color, height or income), but ask for qualities.
For example (the pronouns will be for a woman seeking a man in this example, but you can change the pronouns to apply to you), instead of “I want my boyfriend to be sensitive”, you can look at it from a different angle and write down, “My needs are expressed and understood.”
“I want a rich man” can turn into, “I feel comfort, stability and security.”
“I want a man who is good in bed” can be written as, “I feel loved and desirable” or, “My physical needs are fully satisfied.”
Put the focus on yourself, on the qualities that matter to you, and let go of the unnecessary dealing with traits of your future boyfriend/girlfriend. Speak (or write) the language of love – the language of feelings – ask yourself what the essence is.
Choose the top four values: After you are done with your list of values, choose only the four most important values that best match your needs and desires. Ask yourself, “What would I really like to feel in the depth of my soul in a romantic relationship?” Is it passion? Is it confidence? Is it freedom? Partnership? Stability? Family? Companionship? Peace, tranquility and comfort?
Why only 4 values? Because you need to focus. If you talk to the most successful people on earth who reached their goals, they’ll tell you that they managed to manifest their dreams because they were focused; they kept their center and weren’t scattered. Target your goals by focusing.
An accurate list creates organization and simplicity. In addition, in order to magnetize something, you have to be in that state of mind, and you need to think about it and to tune in to it. A focused list is a powerful magnetic tool to easily invite what you want into your life.
3. How would you feel when you have this?
The third step toward defining what you want is to focus on the feelings when you find your love of your life that are based on the four core values you chose.
For example, if you chose freedom as one of your core values, it can be something like:
- I feel free in my relationship
- When I get freedom from my partner, I feel more in love
- When I am free in a relationship, I feel more calm and relaxed
- Freedom in a loving relationship provides me with self-realization
- I feel I can be myself in the relationship
- When I am given freedom, I become a better partner
The list doesn’t have to be long, but it has to be accurate; make sure the things you are writing reflect what you truly desire based on the core values you chose earlier.
Take your time, as you don’t have to write everything today. But, you do want to write it soon if you are serious about magnetizing the relationship you wish to have.
Repetitive reading and visualizing: After you are done writing the lists, READ IT to yourself once a day for four weeks. When you read it, make sure you are alone when you feel comfortable. You can read it out loud, or read it in your heart – it doesn’t matter. What matters is your INTENTION.
Read the list with real intention, get deeply into this, and feel the excitement – feel how good it feels; read it like you have already achieved it!
Attract Love – Free Guides Series:
Article 1 – Define What You Want ( You are here)
Article 2 – Live Your Definitions And release Negative Feelings
Article 3 – Stay Calm And Know That Love Is On Its Way