Pretending To Be Someone You’re Not? Do This Instead
A few years ago, everybody got excited about a new buzz phrase that was supposed to be “life-changing”: Fake it till you make it! But pretending to be someone you’re not, is the worse path to walk on.
You may have heard of this phrase or maybe even used it, hoping to manifest your best self.
Well, news flash: it doesn’t work… and there is a simple reason why.
The ‘faking it’ concept revolves around creating an image for the outside world that is NOT you. You’re pretending to be somebody else that is different from who you genuinely are.
The continuous displaying of false behaviors that are not in alignment with who you naturally are leaves you depressed, anxious, and disconnect from your inner self.
Instead of motivating yourself from a standpoint of “What kind of person do I want to be?” you motivate yourself from a profoundly limiting standpoint of “How do THEY perceive me?”
Pretending to be someone else takes the power away from you and hands it over to THEM.
Acting “as if” gives a short-lived ego boost but makes you come across as pretentious and inauthentic to all those you meet.
You can only keep the deception for so long and eventually your well-crafted mask will fall and reveal that you are still you. And all the destructive dominant subconscious programing that holding you back will take over.
If you are looking for a long-lasting change in your life, then the mentality of pretending to be someone you’re not doesn’t work. There is another method you should be following instead.
Pretending The Right Way – Tune into the Supreme Version of Who You Are
Choose a vision for who you want to be, and take action from that place. Imagine what your future identity would do in any situation and then going on to do it.
How do you imagine your ultimate self behaves? Are they grounded? Are they joyful? Do they commit to the right choices in spite of outside conditions?
In other words, aim to act as a response to the question, “what would my envisioned me behave in this situation”, “How would it think”?
Taking up the habits of the ideal version you wish to be will help you be content and in sync with yourself. On the other hand, pretending to be someone else will leave you empty, lost, and drained.
That’s what I discovered when I didn’t force myself to be someone different and found the courage to be real and vulnerable.
Don’t Be a People Pleaser
I used to be a people-pleaser.
Yup, that was me back then. I was raised to push my needs and wants aside and just obey whether I liked it or not. That sabotaged my sense of self because I learned to believe that my emotions were not important. They were to be shunned.
I carried this attitude into adulthood and spent my time pushing my needs aside, trying to avoid upsetting anyone… and life was pretty much colorless; it didn’t feel good.
Once I discovered that anything that didn’t ‘sit’ right was a strong indicator that I wasn’t aligned with the real me, I decided it’s time to change. I chose to be very mindful of my behavior and challenge it every time I catch myself ‘slip’.
It’s Not Selfish To Put Yourself First
People-pleasing was the first thing to go as I began my healing process.
My vision of me was not a person that would ignore their needs and values.
I began asking myself, “What boundaries would the future me set in this situation?” “Would she agree to hang out with this person tonight?”, “Do you think she has such a harsh critic inner voice”? “Will she find excuses for why things wouldn’t work?”
Needless to say, I lost a few “friends” in the process of quitting the pretending attempts. But the person I am now, that fulfilled, independent, a balanced individual who is not afraid to go after what I desire, is definitely worth the journey.
With this mindset, you concentrate your efforts on performing actions that are in line with the awesome person you picture yourself to be.
It’s not about presenting an image. Unlike pretending to be someone are not until you become it (maybe), that its mere purpose is to appear in a certain light. This new approach is about putting the focus on YOU and becoming congruent with your true self.
Your Inner Critic Voice Is The Distorted One
You see, all that you need to become your ideal self lies within you. Lining up with it is not acting “as if”, it is who you NATURALLY are. You were born divine. Therefore, that vision of your prime self that you have? That’s as real as you can get!
You were not born into this world a fearful being. You were not born unworthy, not important, and insignificant. Your true spirit is meant to thrive because you were born whole.
Just like the mountains, waterfalls, fields, and every aspect of nature that doesn’t shrink down parts of itself – the same goes for you.
All of the sabotaging patterns, pretending to be someone else, your fears, the unworthiness you attribute to yourself – those are the fake ones! All of these are a bunch of lies you learned to believe about yourself. They are not congruent with your true, awesome, divine self.
You are an extension of source energy. You are a divine being. Therefore, every time you’re not feeling good enough, every time you’re beating yourself up or talk down on yourself or pretending to be someone you are not – that is inauthentic because you are not attuned with your higher self. The self that you were born with.
Ditch Pretending To Be Someone Else And Embrace The Person You Want To Be
So if you want to stay centered, build confidence, become the resilient, powerful person that you envision in your mind, you have to start adopting the characteristics that appeal to you the most.
Then, in order to take off the mask of pretending to be one of the insiders, start doing and thinking about the things that your inner greatest would do and think, such as-
- Ceasing to chase people who have no interest in you.
- Don’t appear small to get meaningless validations from others.
- Refuse to take the sole responsibility to revive a conversation with someone who’s clearly not showing any effort on their end.
That someone you’d like to be would prioritize their wants and values; and do away with toxic friends that make them feel guilty about that.
This is different from pretending you’re somebody else attitude. That false theory advises you to bluff confidence in front of everybody to win their approval, while you see yourself like a scared little mouse inside.
What Would Your True Self Do – Everyday Examples
What if you imagined your ultimate you to be wealthy? Which kind of things would that person do? What sort of people will you spend most of your time with?
Would the wealthy role-model of you be generous because they operate from a mindset of abundance? Or would they hold on to every penny like a miser who is afraid of tomorrow?
Think of the type of activities the wealthy, money-wise version of you would like doing. Would they choose to binge watch TV all day or would they choose to use more of their time to learn new skills and produce more value for those around them or their community?
How will the rich optimal you react to other people’s success? Would they envy successful people or would they be inspired by other people’s success and seek to learn from them?
Start doing what your wealthy version will do. Rather than trying to live above your means and pretending to be somebody else in front of your friends.
Practice With Small Steps
If you commit to taking the small actions that you believe your optimal character would do, your motive shift from faking to authentic expression. Pretending to be someone else to get validation, will not be part of who you are anymore.
Of course, daily life involves many, many, almost endless choices and actions. The idea is to MINDFULLY REFLECT on each one and see whether they stem from the fearful behavior or not.
This is NOT the same as trying to fix your bad habits and the things about yourself which you can’t stand, like how overweight, broke, insecure, or lonely you are.
The heart of the matter here is aligning with that desired mental picture from places of love, compassion, acceptance, and ease that radiate higher vibrations.
As you strive to act like the person you envision yourself to be, these actions will soon become natural and a part of your makeup.
You’ve got a divine nature living inside you just waiting for you to reconnect. So pretending to be someone you’re not is completely unnecessary.
Before you go, do you want to know more about how I completely shifted my inner critic and started to feel whole and complete? Find out here.
When you consistently take tiny actions that don’t trigger a lot of resistance, you can literally change the neural connections in your brain to unlock a whole new way of behaving and acting.