A few years ago, everybody got excited about a new buzz phrase that was supposed to be “life-changing”: Fake it till you make it! You may have heard of this phrase or maybe even used it, hoping to manifest your ideal self.
Well, news flash: it doesn’t work… and there is a simple reason why.
Fake it till you make it revolves around creating an image for the outside world that is NOT you. It forces you to pretend to become someone that is different from who you really are.
The continuous presenting of false behaviors which are not in alignment with who you really are leaves you depressed, anxious and disconnect from your inner self.
Instead of motivating yourself from a standpoint of “What kind of person do I want to be?” you motivate yourself from a profoundly limiting standpoint of “How do THEY perceive me?”
Faking a different identity takes the power away from you and hands it over to THEM.
You can only keep the deception for so long and eventually you well-crafted mask will fall and reveal that you are still you. And all the negative dominant paradigms that holding you back will take over.
If you are looking for a long-lasting, authentic change in your life, then The mentality of fake it till you make it does not work. There is another method you should be following instead.
Ignore Fake It Till You Make It and Tune into the Ideal Version of Who You Are
Choose a vision for who you want to be, and take actions from that place. Imagine what your future self would do in any situation and then going on to do it.
How do you imagine your ultimate self behaves? Are they grounded? Are they joyful? Do they make the right choices in spite of outside conditions?
In other words, you act as a response to the question, “what would my envisioned me behave in this situation”, “How would my vision-self think”?
Taking up the habits of the ideal version of yourself will make you feel content and in sync with yourself. Anything else will leave you feeling empty and fake.
That’s what I discovered when I stopped faking it and found the courage to be real and vulnerable.
Stop Being a People Pleaser
I used to be a people-pleaser.
Yup, that was me back then. I was raised to push my needs and wants aside and just obey whether I liked it or not. My feelings were not important. They were to be shunned.
I carried this attitude into adulthood and spent my time pushing my needs aside, trying to avoid upsetting anyone… and life felt very much like a prison: it didn’t feel right.
Once I discovered that anything that didn’t feel right was a strong indicator that I wasn’t aligned with the real me, I decided to make a change. I chose to be very mindful of my behavior. I made up my mind to stop being fake.
It’s Not Selfish To Put Yourself First
People-pleasing was the first thing to go as I began my healing process.
My vision of me was not a person that would ignore their needs and values, and bend over just to please people around.
I began asking myself, “What boundaries would the future me set in this situation?” “Would she agree to hang out with this person tonight?”, “Do you think she has such a harsh critic inner voice”? “Will she find excuses of why things wouldn’t work?”
Needless to say, I lost a few “friends” in the process of healing. But the person I am now, that fulfilled, independent, a grounded individual who is not afraid to go after what I desire, is definitely worth the journey.
With this mindset, you concentrate your efforts on performing actions that are in line with the awesome person you envision yourself to be.
It’s not about presenting an image unlike the fake it till you make it attitude, that its mere purpose is to make others view you in a certain light. This new approach is about putting the focus on YOU and becoming congruent with your true self.
Your Inner Critic Voice Is The Fake One
You see, all that you need to become your ideal self lies within you. Lining up with that vision is not fake, it is who you NATURALLY are. You were born divine. Therefore, that vision of your ideal self that you have? That’s as real as you can get!
You were not born into this world a fearful being. You were not born unworthy, not important, and insignificant. Your true self is about feeling good, because you were born whole.
All of the sabotaging patterns, your fears, the unworthiness you feel – those are the fake ones! All of these are a bunch of lies you learned to believe about yourself. They are not congruent with your true, awesome, divine self.
You are an extension of source energy. You are a divine being. Therefore, every time you’re not feeling good enough, every time you’re beating yourself up or talk down on yourself – that’ faking it, because you are not attuned with your higher self. The self that you were born with.
Embrace The Person You Want To Be
Then, start doing and thinking about the things that your ideal person would do and think.
Like seizing to chase people who have no interest in you, or seizing to make yourself appear small so others will not feel threatened by you, or stop taking the sole responsibility to revive a conversation with someone who’s clearly not making any effort on their end.
This is different from the fake it till you make it method that advises you to fake confidence in front of everybody to win their approval, while you feel like a scared little mouse inside.
What Would Your True Self Do – Everyday Examples
What if you imagined your ultimate version to be wealthy? Which kind of things would that person do? What sort of people will you hang out with or spend most of their time with?
Would the wealthy version of you be a generous tipper because they operate from a mindset of abundance? Or would they hold on to every penny like a miser who is afraid of tomorrow?
Think of the type of activities the wealthy, money-wise version of you would like doing. Would they choose to binge watch TV all day or would they choose to use more of their time to learn new skills and produce more value for those around them or their community?
How will the wealthy optimal you react to other people’s success? Would they be jealous of successful people or would they be inspired by other people’s success and seek to learn from them?
Start doing what your wealthy version will do. Rather than faking it till you make it by trying to live above your means and showing off in front of your friends.
Practice Makes Perfect
If you commit to taking the small actions that you believe your optimal character would do, your motive will stem from authentic personal care. Not from a need to fake an image to make others validate you.
Of course, daily life involves many, many, almost endless choices and actions. The idea is to MINDFULLY REFLECT on each one and see whether they support the ideal you that you want to reconnect with.
This is NOT the same as trying to fix your bad habits and the things about yourself which you can’t stand, like how overweight, broke, insecure, or lonely you are.
The heart of the matter here is aligning with that desired vision from places of love, compassion, acceptance, and ease that radiate higher vibrations.
As you make the effort to act like the person you envision yourself to be, these actions will soon become natural and a part of your makeup.
No need to fake it till you make it when you’ve got a divine nature living inside you just waiting for you to authentically reconnect.
When you consistently take tiny actions that don’t trigger a lot of resistance, you can literally change the neural connections in your brain to unlock a whole new way of behaving and acting.
Want to know more about how I completely shifted my critic inner talk? Find out here.