Build Remarkable Confidence Doing These 5 Things Daily
If you suffer from a lack of self-confidence, then you probably spend every waking second of your day trying to correct that. You want to build confidence so bad, because not seeing yourself as good enough hurts. Like, really hurts.
When you have weak self-confidence you suffer in a way that you walk around with a sense of being “less worthy”. You believe you are not really deserving of attention, being heard, being loved, seen, and less worthy of success.
The Negative Effects
You believe you are deficient or inferior in some way, and so not important enough to get attention or respect. You are afraid of being visible or heard, so you avoid expressing yourself and voicing your opinions and needs.
The underdeveloped confidence stops you from allowing the light you have within to shine.
Moreover, it makes you NOT learn the necessary skills and NOT evolve as a person.
Instead, you think the most painful (and false) thought one can think: that this is your destiny, and you’ll be without confidence for the rest of your life.
Being confident deficient is pure misery. It is the sort of suffering no one should have to bear because it causes you to approach life with timidity, defensiveness, or an excessive need to bend over backward in order to please others.
How NOT to Build Confidence
Before we go on to talk about how to build confidence, it is probably better that we address the opposite side of the coin i.e. how not to build confidence.
A lot has been said about confidence both online and offline, and a lot of this info is simply not true.
You need to be careful to not succumb to some of the faulty teachings out there that could lead to short term gains but ultimate disappointment. You don’t want to get left up the creek without a paddle.
One of such faulty teachings happens to be: Fake it till you make it.
The predominant thought behind this idea is that if you pretend you are confident long enough, then ultimately you will become confident. And this often works for a while when you do it – but only for a little while.
Faking a posture or body language or showing an image you are not, will get you that needed confidence boost you require to start the day. But after a while, it fails and your system reverts back to its original (unconfident) programming.
And that is because of the nature of the problem itself.
What is a lack of self-confidence anyway?
The origin of your poor confidence is something deeper living beneath your conscious control.
Where Does Confidence Come From in the First Place?
If you take the time to look at other people—like, truly look—you might notice a few things that don’t make immediate sense to you.
For example, you might find confidence where you least expect it to exist, while you find it completely missing in places where by all means and intents it should.
Let’s break down what that means using concrete illustrations:
1. Simply because someone has something going for them (lots of friends, pots of cash, or the body of a Greek god/goddess) does not necessarily mean that person feels completely secure and confident in their situation.
You may have come across millionaires who lack confidence, gorgeous-looking human beings who are insecure and celebrities and stars who lack confidence in their own status.
This highlights a curious fact about confidence, which is the fact that it is not rooted in any external factors. Rather, our confidence is rooted in the perception we have of ourselves independent of external factors.
2. So now that we know for a fact that your external situation does not necessarily reflect on your internal disposition or confidence, we can conclude that improving on those external conditions will not necessarily build your confidence.
What do we mean by this? If you’re rich and good-looking yet lack confidence, getting richer or better-looking would not necessarily change your confidence situation.
You might have experienced this personally in your own life even. For example, getting a date with that dream girl will not make you feel worthy of love.
You might get that temporary validation, but that will not change the deep-seated beliefs that make you see yourself as insignificant.
Dating or getting in bed with more people would not necessarily improve your self-esteem about your own level of attractiveness. Sure, you’ll get an ego boost, but it will only last short-term, and then you’ll need to feed your ego again by looking for approvals outside of yourself.
3. Given the above two points, what can be said about confidence, then? Well, it is a perception of being just fine as you are. It is a feeling that, in spite of whatever your external circumstances are, you lack nothing.
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Confidence is the inner sense of wholeness that you are OK just as you are and that you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
It is a deep internalization that you deserve self-respect, happiness and success, that you deserve to express your opinions and wants and to fulfill yourself.
Confidence is the belief that your life and its quality are worthy and important.
It is the feeling that you are still a worthy human being, whether or not you got a date with that one person. Whether or not you have millions in your bank account.
That shortage of self-confidence that you experience a day in and day out?
It is driven by the ideas we were forced to learn about ourselves and the world years ago. And this false thinking that you are nobody and that it is not safe for you to express yourself drives all the resultant behavior.
The Six Pillars Theory
According to Nathaniel Branden, a Canadian–American psychotherapist, Confidence is our ability to think and to cope with the basic challenges of our lives. The experience and knowledge that we are effective and get results successfully in this world.
Self-esteem, on the other hand, creates expectations (which we are aware and unaware of) as for what is possible for us and what fits us.
These expectations lead to actions that create our reality. The reality strengthens the original beliefs.
Getting results doesn’t mean that we cannot make mistakes and fail. It means we believe in our ability to learn what is necessary and the commitment to act by our Conscience and our common sense to achieve life goals.
The six foundations, according to Branden are –
Self-responsibility – the sense of having control of my life. In order to feel it, one needs to take responsibility for its actions and the reaching of goals.
Live with goals – set them, focus on them, and take action in order to achieve your goals from a state of clarity and intention.
Integrity – live in the way you preach or believe. Overlapping between your values and your actions. In other words – walk the talk.
Assertiveness – respecting your needs, wishes, and core values in a free, non-militant way.
Self-acceptance – refusing to be in a rival relationship with yourself (it doesn’t mean to not wish to improve things in you.)
Self-awareness – putting in an effort to be aware of the things that influence behaviors, actions, and values.
The Story Your Brain Tells You About Who You Are And What You Are Capable Of
Let’s go back to the crappy advice everyone likes to throw out there: Faking the postures and gestures of confident people.
Like I said earlier, that will not help your confidence problem.
Why? Because these actions do not change the underlying thought paradigms that dictate that you are not good enough despite your external circumstance.
Your lack of self-confidence is an internal problem, not an external problem.
Your weak voice and fear of being seen are merely the result of internal negative paradigms most likely developed earlier in life.
The reason your voice is weak or that you present an insecure body language is a result of an ongoing protective mechanism you developed, to keep you safe from being in the spotlight.
If you suffer from confidence issues, the last thing you want is to be at the center of attention. You are so scared of judgment and rejection, that your mind is protecting you by making you become less apparent.
Just in case others might get upset with you, in advance, you are making yourself small so people will not mark you as a possible threat.
It is a strategy for safety you practiced over and over again and it all happened outside of your awareness.
Therefore, trying to consciously correct your body language to build confidence is like trying to solve an illness by attacking the symptoms rather than the underlying cause.
The only way to build confidence genuinely in a long-lasting manner is by addressing the negative talk in your head that says you are inferior and less than others…
Or that you should be ashamed of yourself, that you should hide parts of yourself, that you are not deserving, not worthy, not up to the task.
You simply have to change the junk inner programming that is stopping you from establishing all the self-confidence you need to live freely.
And you can do this by creating new NEURAL NETWORKS that eliminate the old toxic conditioning embedded in your mind.
Fortunately, science teaches us that this is entirely within the realms of possibility.
NEUROPLASTICITY has shown time and again that your brain is designed to be flexible and changeable.
All your fears and anxieties that are a result of your early programming can be done away with so that you can finally build unshakable confidence.
The Right Way to Develop Confidence and Live Unapologetically
So here’s how you can go about building the confidence you need to live life on your own terms. You need to adopt empowering thoughts until you internalize them in the deepest levels so they become your beliefs.
Let me present to you the main ones-
#1 Belief: You Have the Natural God-Given Right to Be Visible
See, you somehow got the bullshit message that you need to hide or shrink down parts of yourself to feel safe.
But here is the thing: You CAN feel completely safe and confident if you understand this truth once and for all:
GOD CREATED YOU TO BE SEEN.
It is time to quit hiding from the world and begin living unapologetically.
Just as the mountains and the hills and the waterfalls and the fields stand out to be seen in all their beauty and glory, so were you. We were born to thrive and be seen and visible, not to hide from life.
Just like a tree, or a rock, you have the right to be here. You have the right to take up space. You have the right to have confidence.
Every time you experience shame or feeling uncomfortable, or doubting yourself that you’re not as good as others, just remind yourself – I have the right to be here. It is my natural right to be proud of who I am, I was born to show who I am to the world.
#2 Belief: You Have a Natural Right to Share Your Skills
Like everyone else on this planet, you are GIFTED. You have something special hidden within you that you need to share with the world. You’ve got multiple virtues and talents that you are effortlessly good at, and thus owe it to yourself and the world to share these blessings.
Could you imagine a world where all the great people whose achievements we revere today hid their talents in fear? Perhaps you wouldn’t have been able to be reading this right now.
Imagine if the greatest entrepreneurs of this world would shy away their natural gifts they were born with?
Think of all the advancements we have been enjoying because these people were ALIGNED with their gift: The science, the technology, the progressive ideas, the way we evolved as nations, as societies.
It is all thanks to brave people who were attuned with their blessings and helped the world grow!
See, we were born into this world to grow and evolve.
Sharing these blessings are the Universe’s plan for us to thrive and prosper.
So get up and get going! You have a talent within you that needs to be shared.
#3 Belief: You Have a Natural God-Given Right to Stand Up for Yourself
You have got to believe in your self-worth enough to establish boundaries so people do not take advantage of you.
Confident people, while they may not enjoy conflict, would never hesitate to stand up for themselves if they see someone crossing a line.
It is your job to educate your peers about how to treat you and what you would not tolerate from other people.
Naturally, this takes a lot of confidence in your own self-worth to speak up for yourself.
But if you’re unconsciously choosing the destructive strategy of avoiding conflicts to protect yourself, setting boundaries will take a different type of practice. It is called re-framing.
What does reframing mean? It means casting your experience in a light that is more acceptable to your mind.
For example, when someone offends or disrespects you and you decide to stand up for yourself, instead of seeing it like a conflict you can see it as an opportunity. An occasion to express your needs and educate the other party on the appropriate way you would like to be treated.
Re-framing the situation is only part of the practice. It is also important to align yourself with the truth – which is that you worthy of defending yourself.
As you see every challenge as an opportunity, you can build confidence quickly through these experiences.
The Role of Repetition
Breaking old habits of low confidence will not happen overnight. It requires conscious repetition reminding yourself of your natural inherent self-worth and the three core beliefs above.
You will need to be vigilant and consciously observe your unconscious patterns. When you realize your old fear-based loop emerging you can quickly intervene with empowering ideas that re-establish your right to respect, kindness, and love.
Simply Remind Yourself Of These Things:
- My mind is pulling the same old tricks and trying to protect me by making me appear small, but I can let it go now. This fear is just learned, and I can train myself to unlearn it. My brain is DESIGNED to change. I choose to build new behavioral and emotional reactions.
- It is POSSIBLE for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I was born to feel good about myself, I wasn’t born to always be afraid in this life.
- I have a right to be here, just like anyone else. I am not doing anything wrong by taking up space.
- I can REWIRE my conditioning and create a whole new reality for me.
Re-live Memories and Change Your Interpretation
Here’s a great method that really works. I used it in the past with great success.
Go back to those moments in your past when you were a child.
Go back to those moments you believe caused you to build a fragile self-confidence, a tender self-image, and a blurry ungrounded feeling of doubt, pain, shame, or humiliation.
You know, the moments where your mom was overcriticizing you or when your dad looked at you with disappointed eyes. Those moments when you felt lost and faint. (These are just examples. Use your own actual past experiences as you remember them.)
Then, follow these steps:
- Bring the adult you into the picture. I mean the current, mature, compassionate, wiser you.
- Look at your inner child from the perspective of the adult you. Get close to this beautiful being and give them a big, loving, warm hug. Wrap this child with all the love and light you can offer.
Then plant different messages than the ones he/she received or interpreted as negative.
Tell him/her: “It’s not your fault. You’re just fine as you are. All of the negative things you think about yourself are just a product of the messages you have absorbed. That’s it. That’s all. There’s nothing real about them.
Your fears are not real. They are just false beliefs. You are more capable than you think! Give yourself permission to feel the natural confidence that is in you.
You can be whoever you want to be. You can fulfill all of your dreams and live all of your passions… you are strong and powerful. Your needs matter. Today is the day you build new empowering beliefs.”
This is just a suggested version. You can choose any words you want that are incongruent with your personal confidence needs.
You have the ability to neutralize those destructive memories and take their power away. You can choose to implant health, confident definitions that will serve you so much better.
Go back to this exercise whenever you feel the need.
The Faster and Easier Way
Confidence is a feeling that stems from the mind, and the absence of it is a problem that stems from the unconscious mind.
Whatever lasting solution you need would have to grow from this reality: You need to change your underlying toxic paradigms to boost your confidence.
In this regard, subliminal messages can be your best friend. I created a special package for confidence building that addresses the underlying limiting beliefs that have been shown to be the cause of low confidence.
By listening to this recording for as little as 30 minutes a day, you can rewire your brain and build confidence naturally and quickly with little effort.
How cool is that? My audio collection offers over 200 different recordings that can help you embrace empowering beliefs about yourself and your capabilities. Check it out here.