Your life can be so difficult when you walk around burdened with the feeling that you have to live up to somebody else’s standards. You walk around with your head down – and why shouldn’t you? You think you are not good enough. Deep down you know it.
If only you were better looking… maybe you wouldn’t feel so small whenever you go out with your friends.
Or when you make more money… you would be happier.
If you could get that promotion… then you would probably be proud of you and you could hold your head high during the next family reunion.
Can you see where this is going?
Life is nothing but pain when you walk around burdened with the belief that you are not good enough as other people. Imagine the anxiety constantly worrying about being less than others.
But here’s the thing – you ARE enough. Not because you graduated with good grades or for dating someone gorgeous. Also not because your company makes 2 million dollars in revenue or for getting your dream job.
You are good enough because of you! Because you have value as a human because you’re special in your way, and there’s no one else like you in the world.
Your worth is not dependent on anything external. You are the one who gets to decide how valuable you are. And the way you perceive yourself, set the standard for others on how you demand to be treated.
I Always Felt Not Good Enough
I remember how it used to be for me before I began my healing journey. I was always with that feeling that I am not enough, that I’m not doing enough or having enough.
Therefore, was constantly stuck in the mindset of “I have to prove myself to these people so that they would love me”.
Life for me, back then, was about putting on an act. I didn’t view myself as deserving of goodwill just for being me.
I needed validation from outside of myself to justify my existence. My brain was programmed in a way that I had to become “more” in order to prove myself “worthy”.
I was so busy judging myself and qualifying myself as “not-good -nough” that I became even more fearful of being judged by others.
I clung to public approval like a drowning man to a thread but constantly felt inadequate wherever I went.
If you have the ‘you are not being enough’ voice you already know how humiliating and painful it can be.
It took me many years to realize that the responsibility of valuing myself as a person fell to me first before any other external source.
Choose to Be You
Because here is the thing: you only seek the validation of others because you have judged yourself first and found yourself wanting for whatever reason.
Here’s a question: why else would you care that the guy sitting on the side of the table thinks you are a nice person?
Do you remember when your parents took you to the zoo? Or when you went to the zoo on a class field trip?
What happened when you saw all those exotic animals for the first time and laughed your head off about how funny they looked and acted compared to you and your friends?
Did the animals straighten their hair and try to act their best? Did they check their teeth and worry that they were not movie star white enough?
Nope! Absolutely not!
Wouldn’t it be weird if the snake tried to act like the dolphin because the dolphin was pulling a bigger crowd?
Or the flamingos look at the eagle wistfully and lament, “Boy, I wish I had wings like those! I would really be a star in this place!”?
Chances are those animals continued doing the same thing they were doing when your group showed up and continued being themselves when your group left.
They could not have cared less about what you or any other spectator thought about them because it didn’t matter. They are who they are and as far as they are concerned, that is good enough!
What a mindset to adopt!
What You Can Start Doing Now to Stop Feeling Not Good Enough
How would it be to go about your day knowing that you were good enough and that you no longer needed outside validation? How would it feel to just be you and still be secure in the knowledge that you are okay just the way you are?
If you are tired of feeling incompetent follow these steps and begin your journey of personal development:
Connect with Your Emotions
When you run into an unpleasant emotion, what happens? You block it! You shun the emotion; it doesn’t feel good and so you want to escape it.
But here’s the thing: when you block these feelings enoughness, you miss the message they are trying to tell you and you make matters worse.
Your negative feelings are a result of destructive programming you’ve adopted in the past, particularly during childhood.
Maybe your parents always reminded you of your flaws at every turn. Maybe your caregivers never considered your needs and input as important.
Over time such an environment would leave a child’s mind with the mistaken idea that something was wrong with them and they must, therefore, be not good enough.
Later on, this child becomes an adult whose subconscious is convinced of their unworthiness.
The unpleasant feelings that you feel all point to this sabotaging programming deep within your mind. So embrace them instead of suppressing them.
Own your past and the emotions that they cultivated within you
You can practice compassionate self-talk that will care for your needs. Here are a few examples:
“Sure, I don’t feel good enough unless everybody approves of me and thinks I am perfect. It’s because my parents would always withhold their affection whenever I made a mistake. I’m afraid of ever experiencing that again!”
“Of course, I don’t feel good enough! The kids in school always used to make fun of my hair and I got stuck with the programming that I’m nobody. But just because I was bullied in school, doesn’t take away my value. I am still worthy, just the way I am”.
You see? An approach like that VALIDATES your feelings, and not dismissing or repressing them. And this is important because given what you have experienced, you SHOULD feel like this exactly!
These unpleasant feelings are telling you that you have some healing to do, and the sooner you accept their message, the sooner your it can begin. Acknowledgment is always the first step toward awakening.
Become an Observer
Now that you know your negative thought patterns are a result of your past conditioning, try to be mindful of the sources of these thoughts.
Instead of acting your impulses, try to explore why you feel not good enough.
You will quickly realize that whatever it is has been burdening you over the years was never your fault.
For example, maybe as a child, your mother screamed at you so much your then child’s brain concluded (wrongly, I must add) that there was something wrong with you. Otherwise, why would your mom always explode at you? Today you know better.
Your mom’s conditioning to scream at everything that did not go her way was not your fault. It was her baggage, not yours.
This awareness of why you behave the way you do will allow you to see through the false stories you tell yourself and make it much easier for you to be yourself.
Replace Your Paradigms
To truly experience the change you seek you have to replace the toxic paradigms with positive ones.
I created a special meditation just to help you do that. You don’t have to go through the many years of trial and error that I did.
Using this not only will you have a better understanding of the negative tendencies that are driving you, but also you will get rid of the patterns that lead to these tendencies and replace them with positive conditioning.
You will be more comfortable than you have ever been in your own skin. But more importantly, you will know the truth about yourself which is that YOU ARE AWESOME AS YOU ARE! You always have been.