Making peace with your past can be extremely difficult. As a method of learning and self-preservation, our minds are naturally conditioned to cling to the past.
We consciously or subconsciously often stay attached to profound experiences – visceral feelings that linger even though they may no longer be in our best interests. It may be an experience of wrongdoing that was done to us when we were younger, an unhealthy relationship, an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, or a death of a loved one… the list goes on and on.
Remembering these past experiences may be helpful to us for a finite amount of time, but reliving them over and over again through our imagination is only nurturing a festering wound that has no benefit to our present life.
You must make peace with your past at some point in your life to truly grow. It starts with making quality choices. Exert the mental awareness and consciously choose only to hold onto the feelings that make you happiest.
You are hoarding low energy within you
Question: What happens when you stretch a coil spring and let it go?
It moves forward.
When you stretch a coil spring, it hoards energy within. And as you let go, the energy within is released and thrown far into the distance.
By holding onto these feelings that were caused by events in the past, you keep the negative energy inside. Once you are willing to stop pulling on the coil spring and let go, you begin to make peace with your past, giving yourself space for the happiness and joy you deserve.
When you make peace with your past, you create a whole new sense of freedom- freedom from negative vibration, freedom to forgive yourself and others, and the freedom to evolve and actualize your greatest potential.
Steps on how to make peace with your past and move forward
Step 1: Write down all of the bad memories, irrespective of how painful they may have been
This step requires you to revisit the past experience/s that is the core or the root of your current issues or problems in life. This was the hardest part for me. By revisiting the painful moments or periods and finding resolution with it, you’ll see a huge healing transformation. This is basically the idea of regression therapy.
After I wrote down all of the experiences that I wish I could have just forgotten, the words on the paper just stared at me. The truth was there, fully exposed, and it flooded me with deep emotional soreness. However, a few weeks later, I was finally able to experience that comfort that I craved.
This is one of the most imperative steps you can take to make peace with your past.
When you have a day off, go to a quiet place and list, in detail, all the things that have hurt you and still haunt you until this day. Don’t force yourself to remember all of it if it doesn’t come naturally. You can repeat this process again and again if you have to.
Putting these specific events on paper is a process that might take a while to recover from. You might find yourself sobbing during the day without logical reason… You might find yourself depressed… You might not be as productive at work. Know that this is ok. Don’t rush or try covering up your emotions to get it over with.
Let yourself dwell on the painful past and be patient.
As you write down everything with complete honesty and have the willingness to be vulnerable again, the relief will come shortly.
Step 2: Accept your past
Accepting your past is to simply stop arguing with the reality of your past. When you think things like “I wish I were born to a different family” or “I wish my mother had better resources to raise me” you are not helping your healing process.
All you are doing is feeding that memory with more negative energy. I am not saying the suffering of your upbringing has not caused tremendous effects and pain. However, when you continue to battle in your mind with what has happened, you are arguing with something that already happened.
No matter how much power and thought you put into it, the past is never going to change. Make peace with your past and accept it for what it was. Accepting it, instead of disputing with it, will create a remarkable relief which will prevent your future from becoming an endless battle.
Step 3: Find the good
There is a hidden treasure in all of our experiences. This can be challenging to see at first, but when you condition your mind to become a friend with past pain, you are permitting yourself to receive the beneficial and rewarding possibilities instead of just purely sulking in the negativity.
Ask yourself “What good things came out of my traumatic past experiences?” Maybe you learned how to be a stronger person? Perhaps you learned the kind of person you never want to be? Maybe you have been able to help others and make a difference in other people’s lives because you have shared a similar experience?
If your past events had never happened, you wouldn’t be the incredible and strong person you are today.
Hardship can serve you in favorable ways as well. A great first step for training your mind to look for the good, is writing them down. I encourage you to start listing all the good things that came out of your pain and start making peace with your past.
Step 4: Let go of the should have/ shouldn’t have concept
To make peace with your past, you might want trying to change what has already happened. When you say things like “my father shouldn’t have treated me this way,” this kind of thinking only creates suffering. It should have happened exactly as it did. You know why? Because that’s how it happened.
Whatever occurred in the past already happened. Therefore, coming up with scenarios of how it “should have/shouldn’t have” been is not going to give you the relief you seek.
I know it never helped me, no matter how many times I told myself “my mom should have been more soft and go easy on me”. Well, she should have been the exact person she was at the time, because that’s the way she was. Years later, I realized that what caused me the suffering was my concept of how I thought she should or should not have behaved.
Your opinion of how things should have played out in the past is a waste of energy. It will not change anything and will only make you feel stuck in the same spot.
Step 5: Let go of receiving recognition and acknowledgment of the hurtful person
Stop waiting to receive recognition or acknowledgment from the person that has hurt you. Many people tend to crave a form of justification or apology from either their parents or whoever it was that caused pain to them in the past.
You may be craving to hear these words from a parent- “I know I was so wrong. I made so many mistakes. I understand your pain and know you’re hurt by me. I’m so sorry”. But even though you think you need to hear this, you don’t. And you probably will never hear it.
The person that hurt you is probably not enlightened enough to provide you with this closure. So, ask yourself “why am I desperately seeking this from him/her?” If you’re here, you’re enlightened enough to realize this person has no power over you anymore.
Another person’s recognition and acknowledgment cannot impact your emotional healing. Making peace with your past is up to you and not a validation of someone else. Only you have the power to do that, don’t give it away to anyone else, especially someone who has caused you pain in the past.
Step 6: Forgive and let go
You can’t begin to make peace with your past until you forgive. Forgiving is all about you and has nothing to do with the person that has committed a transgression against you.
Ask yourself without judgment – “how am I limiting myself by holding onto all of this negativity towards this person or experience?”.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s necessary for your healing. Yes, I get it, you feel so much resentment towards that person or people. I was there too. But remember that you forgive for YOU, not for her, him or them.
When you decide to hold on to a grudge, you are surrendering yourself to the control of others. You subject yourself to carrying aggravation, bitterness, and bad feelings into your future, along with denying yourself the happiness and peace of mind you deserve. Break off the chains, it’s your time to move forward.
Step 7: Be aware
Stay aware and be conscious when negative thoughts and feelings arise. Let them come and go as they please, and do not suppress them. Staying mindful of each passing thought is important.
Pretend you are driving down the road at night, and bright headlights are shining at you in all directions. Your eyes are pulled to all of these lights, and it takes some effort not to look at them. However, to proceed forward you must selectively focus. You must be aware.
Don’t let yourself become absorbed by all of the lights. Instead, notice them, and gently look away onto your desirable focus point. In the case of a driver, this means staying in your lane – keeping on course. And once you are on course, you can create what you want out of each thought.
You can consciously direct your train of thought into making peace with your past by putting the emphasis on thoughts that serve your healing.
Step 8: Make a decision to fully let go of the past
Making peace with your past requires you to consciously decide you are ready to do so. It’s about realizing that you’re tired of reliving that past every single day. Decide right now that you’re not going to keep letting the past predict your future.
Decide and believe that you deserve better. Letting go begins with choosing to do that. And this time for real. It might take a while until you find that peace of mind. You might need a therapy. And it also might take time to find the right therapist that really gets you.
But once you’ve made up your mind you are willing to stop holding on to the past, then this is a great start.
Harness your subconscious
Sometimes, as much as we try, we still need the help of our subconscious mind to generate new thoughts and to make peace with the past. There is no better way to do this than using subliminal messages, which will dig deep to the root cause of each problem and break you free. These life-changing hidden suggestions are designed to rid emotional attachments that do not serve us and move us fully into the present.
As you know, I am the leading source of subliminal messaging and helped tens of thousands of people to heal their heart and transform their life. Down below you will find a list that will help you release the traumatic pain and negativity you experience on a daily basis.
In some days, you’re probably feeling this sadness and negativity without even knowing what have triggered that. It could be a smell of something, a TV commercial, someone in the street that resembles the person that hurt you and so on.