You’re not sure of yourself. You feel you don’t believe in your capabilities. You want to push forward your business, but fear stops you.
The emotions that rule you are worry, hesitation and stress. You want to find the love of your life, but are afraid no one will ever love you. Because deep inside, you don’t love yourself.
Lack of self-confidence is not only reflected in fear of public speaking, but also in being embarrassed to approach strangers or fear of dancing without drinking a few shots before you stand up and get out onto the dance floor.
Low self-confidence reflects your general negative sense of your value, your worth, and your capability to actualize yourself in all areas, or in the areas of life that are important to you.
You might feel worthy occasionally, but this feeling disappears when you’re around other people or when you find out your boyfriend or girlfriend has cheated on you.
You might think from time to time you’re capable of success, but this thought vanishes when you aren’t able to close a promising real estate deal.
If you often experience a lack of self-confidence, it means that you allow your abilities, worth and value to depend on external events.
Your lack of confidence limits you
It stops you from allowing the light you have within to shine. It blocks you from feeling, on a constant basis, how awesome you are, how valuable you are, regardless of how much actual, tangible physical proof you might have of your real achievements!
Your lack of confidence stops you from doing what it takes to take action, to do what you must to get the wheels of life in motion.
It’s the voice in your head that tells you no matter what you do, it’s no use because it won’t work out. Lack of confidence makes you NOT learn the necessary skills and NOT evolve as a person.
Instead, you think the most painful (and false) thought one can think: that this is your destiny, and you’ll be without confidence for the rest of your life.
It Is Not Your Fault
But you gotta understand something: it’s not your fault. Lack of self-confidence doesn’t happen just because…
You have an emotional wound you have to face.
Maybe your parents told you that you weren’t enough. That you weren’t OK. That you weren’t talented enough… smart enough… pretty enough…good enough…
They may have had good intentions, but their criticism, the humiliations you absorbed, and the emotional insults your soul and your heart had to bear, created this deep wound that refuses to heal.
You might think now, “But Edith, it’s a victim mindset to blame my past and my parents for my self-esteem issues. I’m an adult now. How can going back there help me now?”
So my answer is: going back there and facing the root of the problem is the most responsible thing you can do. The problem started there, somewhere in your past, and therein lies the solution.
Because if you do not deal with it correctly and profoundly, every little trigger will reopen this wound (that you might not even know is there), and it will continue to bleed inside.
Constructive criticism from your boss can emotionally destroy you. A break-up with your partner can damage the fragile self-esteem that you worked so hard to build.
A weak month of sales in your business can lead you to abysmal fears because your self-doubt is so overwhelming that you believe that money is the only way to feel secure and protected.
An Easy Way To Feel Confident
So after all that here’s a great method that really works. You can use it whenever you want to ease your fears and deepen your sense of inner confidence. How will you know it works? You will feel it.
When I practice this method, I feel a strong sensation in my chest and heart areas. I feel that nothing can defeat me, that I can deal with any challenge or obstacle successfully.
It’s an actual physical feeling of “I’m the strongest person in the world.”
Here are the steps:
Go back to those moments in your past when you were a child.
Go back to those moments you believe caused you to develop a weak sense of self, a tender self-image, and a blurry ungrounded feeling of doubt, pain, shame, or humiliation.
Go back in your imagination to the moments where your mom was mad at you for being what she called a bad kid…
The moments where your dad looked at you with disappointed eyes, those moments when you felt lost and faint. (These are just examples. Use your own actual past experiences as you remember them.)
Feel the pain
Let it float… let it be there. It’s ok if you feel the need to cry. If you do, just let your tears fall down your cheeks. Do what your heart tells you to do.
After you have connected to those past moments and the emotions they aroused, bring the adult you into the picture. I mean the current, mature, compassionate, wiser you.
Look at your child self from the perspective of the adult you
Approach this child and give him/her a big, loving, warm hug. Wrap this child with all the love and light you can offer.
Then plant different messages than the ones he/she received or interpreted as negative.
Tell him/her: “It’s not your fault. You’re just fine as you are. It’s not your fault. All of the negative things you think about yourself are just a product of the messages you have absorbed. That’s it. That’s all. There’s nothing real about them.
Your fears and lack of confidence are not real. They are just false beliefs. You are so much more than that.
You can be whoever you want to be. You can fulfill all of your dreams and live all of your passions… you are strong and powerful. You can put your needs first and feel good about it; your needs matter. You are important. Today is the day you build new empowering beliefs.”
This is just a suggested version. You can choose any words you want that are in congruent with your needs.
The important idea is that just by understanding that this is really not your fault, that all your fears and lack of confidence stemming from wrong interpretations of your parents and other authority figures, then you begin to see that your fears and lack of confidence come from interpretation.
You have the ability to neutralize those destructive definitions and take their power away. You can choose to implant other beliefs that will serve you so much better.
Go back to this exercise whenever you feel the need.
I can tell you that based on my own personal experience and that of my clients, it simply works like magic!
Share with me how it works for you.