Don’t Feel Worthy of Love? Here’s How to Change It
One of the biggest fears most of us have is that we will end up alone. The thought that you’ll never find someone that will truly love you terrifies you. But what stands behind that irrational dread? The toxic belief that you are not worthy of love.
And it’s a cycle that keeps feeding itself. That distorted thinking has led you to painful romantic experiences in the past. Your romantic path is full of heartbreaks that tore you apart. You put your trust in people who took advantage of you or betrayed you.
In a way, it makes sense you keep creating this reality. If you don’t believe you are worthy of love, how in the world are you supposed to believe that someone else can actually love you for you?
If you suffer from a fragile self-image, a rocky sense of self, and don’t appreciate what you bring to the table, how could you expect that someone else would appreciate you and the great things that you have to offer?
5 Patterns That Indicate You Believe You Don’t Deserve Love
1. You think that love is only for “lucky people” and that you aren’t one of them.
2. It’s easy for you to recognize traits in others that make them valuable enough to receive nurture and care.
3. You are constantly dating people who are wrong for you and don’t meet your true needs.
4. Feeling lonely and depressed in your dating life, even if you’re in a relationship.
5. You make toxic assessments about yourself.
It doesn’t matter how pretty or successful you are. It doesn’t matter how many times others told you you’re wonderful or how often your partner tells you they love you.
If you’re stuck in the basement of your subconscious programming that says you’re not deserving to be loved, there’s always something living inside you that sabotages your relationships.
But… Why in the world you’d ever feel like you’re not deserving of love? Why would you give yourself a lousy value loaded with self-loathing? What’s the reason you’re incapable of seeing anything good within yourself?
After all, you have so many amazing qualities to offer. You may be a great listener, funny and witty, and you’re there for your friends when they need you. Maybe it’s your style, humor, and intelligence.
Nevertheless, there’s this enemy within that makes you feel like you’re nobody, like you don’t matter, like you’re irredeemably flawed. That enemy is the awful story you keep telling yourself.
See, you’ve repeated these self-abuse lies long enough until they formed to be part of your identity. It’s a mental habit that was originated most likely in childhood and it has been playing in your head ever since. Or more accurately, the origin of it is in the most significant attachments you have had.
In some way, you have built your life based upon this disabling and crippling belief that was originated a long time ago.
Usually, if you believe you’re unworthy of love, you’d either:
- Refuse to accept affection from people because you think you’re a burden. You don’t want to disappoint them or make them feel annoyed or upset by you, so you’ll unconsciously reject it. You won’t really know how to handle this love or contain it. You will subtly distance yourself so that no one will be able to discover what you believe your true nature to be.
- You’ll cling to any leftovers of love and affection people give you and put up with a lot of crap along the way. Because you suffer from weak self-esteem, you’ll settle for any love you can get, even if it’s harming you and pushing down your self-esteem even more.
But here’s the thing: when you reject others’ attention or cling to every fraction of love (distorted as it may be) you lose yourself in that process.
In the first example, you lose your authenticity. Since you’re afraid to be a burden to others, you’re hiding your true essence.
In the second instance, you’re losing your dignity and self-respect. You’re settling for anything you can get and totally ignoring your needs and wants.
How to Start Feeling Differently?
The answer may sound simple, but it’s not easy.
You need to start accepting your deservingness of love.
Entertain the idea that you are valuable to be loved. In other words, you need to replace the current sabotaging story and move on to the next chapter in your life.
This is doable, despite what you may think. Everyone is capable of shifting their entire belief system and change how they perceive themselves. It’s not easy though. But it’s worth every second you invest in it.
The road to healing is full of mental and emotional obstacles. It is never a linear process. It’s something like the image below.
The paradox of our brain is that is has a tendency is to preserve the status quo and avoid change at all costs. It has a protective mechanism that is there to ensure your safety.
On the other hand, the brain is DESIGNED to change. The brain is plastic and more and more Neuroplasticity studies prove this time and again.
We are able to learn new things, new skills, and new perspectives. We can transform our lives upside down if we want to. Check out here my favorite way to rewire the brain.
The first step you should take is to understand this fundamental truth.
Love Is a Resource Available to Anyone
The truth is very simple:
If there is love in this world, everyone is worthy of it. So are you.
There is no such thing more deserving or less deserving. Each and every one of you are worthy. Not because you might be more successful, or better looking than someone else.
You are worthy because the energy of love is out there and available to all, just as the air you breathe, and it is offered freely to everyone in existence.
All you need to do is give yourself permission to prove yourself it is true.
How? By stopping interrupting others from loving you. Instead, try to practice appreciation and gratitude for love expressions daily. That’s how a person with healthy self-confidence acts when they feel worthy to receive love.
Yes, even if it feels uncomfortable. Even if you feel weird receiving that nurture and support.
Whether the form of love comes in ways of gifts, words, acts of service, physical touch, or quality time. Allow yourself to absorb all its forms and shapes.
Just rise above the anxiety that shows up and do it anyway. Dare to accept the love. You are worth it.
In addition, I recommend that you explore my recording that is specially designed for that purpose. It can help shift your paradigms and lead you to discover the truths you’ve been oblivious to your entire life:
That you are –
– Worth investing time and energy into.
– Important and relevant just as anyone else.
– You deserve to be treated with love and respect by others.
Your Past Shouldn’t Dictate Your Worthiness
See, we’ve all been bruised in life. We’ve all been scarred, hurt and many of us experienced tough upbringing that made us believe we’re.
But we don’t have to re-live those same old traumas, and most importantly, stop allowing them to break us.
You were not born into this world to feel so badly about yourself. You were born to thrive, to shine, and to feel good about yourself. Worthiness is, in fact, your natural-born state.
Settling for mistreatment or rejecting affection is actually contradicting our fundamental truth.
Feeling we are not worthy of love causes us to decline, not to expand. And everything in this Universe is meant to grow and develop, not to wilt.
It’s time for you to take your power back, support yourself from the inside out and stop letting the traumas to define you.
You have the choice to decide which beliefs to maintain and which ones don’t serve you anymore and support your growth, which is your natural essence.