You probably have made a mistake or two in your life (everyone has), and you learned from it and moved on in your life journey. Mistakes are part of your life experience, and are a natural part of being human.
But what happens when you make a severe mistake that costs you a high price? How do you move forward and keep on going? How can you forgive yourself and release the tightness that blocks peace from your heart?
Sometimes, the results of our actions and words have devastating repercussions on our lives, and we have to learn to accept them and move on as more mature and experienced adults.
He Can’t Forgive Himself For Ruining His Marriage
Not too long ago, I met a man named Ed, who opened his heart to me and told me about the deep agony that he had carried for a year; he couldn’t seem to let it go.
Ed was married for 13 years to a woman he truly loved, but “I took our relationship for granted and I was sure she will never leave me”, he said in sorrow.
“All those years I made mistake after mistake that pushed her away from me and gradually she lost her love for me. One day she came home and told me she couldn’t do it anymore. My world collapsed! I still can’t forgive myself”.
Ed, who ruined his marriage with his own hands, cannot pass even one single day without feeling anger and guilt towards himself.
People who experience difficulties forgiving themselves for their mistakes become slaves to their inner voices; the ones that scream, “if only I would have done things differently.”
These voices prevent you from moving forward, letting go and easing your pain; they are fanning the flames of guilt and the negative emotions they feel.
How To Stop Feeling Guilty And Start Forgiving Yourself
First, remember this is a process. You would love to set your soul free from this pain, but forgiving yourself doesn’t happen in a day.
It’s about analyzing the events that led to the difficult changes , accepting the fact you cannot turn back the hands of time, accepting the new reality and feeling completely okay about it.
Give yourself the time, it’s your right. Be there, in this pain of guilt and self-anger, because it’s part of your soul cleansing process.
When you feel ready to move past it, here are 6 tools that will help you forgiving yourself for past mistakes:
1. You’re only human
As a mortal creature, you are not perfect, and what do non-perfect beings do? Make mistakes! It is comforting for us to think that our decisions and behaviors are based on logical considerations of right and wrong, good or bad.
In real life- it’s not the case. There are countless studies in behavioral psychology and economical physiology that proof that our decision-making process and actions are operated by our feelings and are not rational.
2. You were born to evolve
You came to this world to go on a journey of growth. Every journey of learning must be accompanied by mistakes.
The development process requires you to make wrong choices that will sometimes harshly sabotage your life and cause you to lose people you love, money and even yourself.
These mistakes might scar you, but they will also push you to higher and higher levels you never realized you’re capable of. The difficulty raises you up, and the pain leads to experience.
Always remember the obstacles may seem impossible now, but in the long run – they make you stronger and through those obstacles, you’re building the gold castle of your life.
3. You did the best you could
At that time, in the emotional place you resided, with the mindset you had, with the skills you had– you did the best you could.
You often find yourself contemplating the thought “if I knew then, what I know today, everything would be different”.
Well, of course it would be, but on the other hand – you wouldn’t know what you know today if you hadn’t made that mistake. Therefore, instead of viewing this as the worst thing, look at this as the best thing that has ever happened to you, because now you know better!
4. Every end is a new beginning
You might have lost a loving spouse because of ongoing mistakes you made during the relationship… you might have lost money or a good job… You might have lost yourself and your identity because of addicting to drugs or alcohol…
Losing something or someone that was meaningful to you is a traumatic experience that overcoming is similar to grieving. It is necessary to pass the painful stages in order to clear your spirit, but it’s important to remember that the loss is not the end.
Losing something or someone also means that your life is making room to something new, even bigger and better! The end of something or someone old is a fresh beginning.
5. Know that next time is going to be better
If you have gone through a process of analysis of your life events and mistakes you’ve made; the things that require self-improvement; your boundaries; the people you are willing and not willing to have in your life – your next experience will be better.
How come? because you’re coming out of a place of awareness and disillusionment. When you realize what you did wrong and what you need to do in order to fix it within you, the next opportunities and people you will attract will be better, because you’re resonating higher vibrations now.
6. Be Thankful
Thank the challenges, the obstacles, and your mistakes, because they have helped you evolve. Use these difficult moments in your life as stepping-stones to something wonderful and refreshing!
Be grateful for your growing journey. Strong pain is the nature’s way to create fast changes. Pain becomes change, because there is sufficient leverage.
With the pain, a whole set of belief structure can change in a snap! Most people will not change until they experience such a huge pain in their life; the pain will force them to change.
Therefore, forgive yourself. You’ve made an enormous change; now it’s time to let go and apply the new you in the next chapters of the book of your life.
Mistakes we’ve made, caused us to lose precious people and things and they keep on hunting us even long after the damage has been done.
But when you shift your approach and look at the whole picture from a wider view, you’ll see that from here – you can only go up, and you could never go up, without your mistakes.
When you change your outlook, you will not wallow in your suffering anymore, and instead begin forgiving yourself and start to move on with your life.
In addition to the six tools mentioned above, you can also try a special subliminal meditation I have created for you. This session will help you embrace a new subconscious attitude towards your past mistakes and heal your heart of remorse, guilt, and anger.